in the mood to blog right now, and have so much to write and just so many thoughts to spill out about today, yesterday and the past 1000 days. too bad i can't quite seem to put my fingers on the keyboard and type out these words. moments like this i wish i could just get that burst of energy like i use to. how can i expect things to work out with us when i cant even get myself in shape. cant even handle myself anymore.
tomorrow i promise each and every single one of you guys out there, im going to pull out my big guns and give everything i fuckin have. i swear if its the last thing i do im not going to ever stop fighting tomorrow. never..... even as i say this im already doubting myself. far out guys im really scared, but what am i scared of? if i fail its just another day anyway thats gone. those things come by daily dont they? yea, im still scared that its going to hurt so much but its been hurting anyway since year 4 when i first looked at a pop stick in ms. wisemans class and it just hit and i told someone but even i didn't understand despite how smart i use to think i was. can you guys believe its been that long.....shit.... maybe things can get worse, maybe not. let's see tomorrow. got nothing to lose anyway cept my sanity.
completely just gave up today, on everything. sometimes it felt good because i didn't care what people expected of me and i certainly didn't expect anything of anyone, i just did my own little thing just drifting by like a wallflower. but eventually that part of me that just wants to keep on fighting came out. sometimes i hate it but it sort of makes me happy that i can still keep on trying....you're not so bad afterall Chris.
man i just want to tell all you guys out there what happened today, what i liked, what i didnt but i srsly am just so tired and feel terrible ahah. im going to look back one day and regret not telling this shit but for now i just want to up and leave everything forever...
good night.
No comments:
Post a Comment