day 15

Shits pretty bad all round. Disappointing how i'm like this. I probably need to get this looked at, if its not what i think it is. I am literally going to think i am the weakest person ever. Maybe some time these holidays, i guess we'll see.

Day was alright today, wasn't too bad in the morning but progressively got worse and English was terrible. Watched a Jamie Oliver show though which helped the mood a bit. It was good seeing Jamie cooking for his mates and joking around and stuff. Pretty sure majoriity of it was staged but it still made me feel better. Ben and sammy also looked on Sam B. laptop and found this porno which had the funniest title and we all just had a good laugh, that was a good moment :).

It was obvious though that i was feeling bad and that made me feel worse. I know that i'm the only one that can change it though and it pisses me off how its like a snowball effect. It was alright though because i just didn't want to pretend to be okay and just sort of "stood back" which was nice. I think the reason why it was obvious was because i usually talk and laugh alot more with people but i didn't really want to do that kind of stuff if i was feeling bad....yeah i can't really put it down onto words, sigh.

Went to the gym today to release alot of the negativity but my right bicep was giving way alot so had a pretty sugar honey ice tea workout but atleast i got it done.

Hopefully tomorrow is a good day, i know that i'm the only one that can make it like that with what i do and think but its just hard.

Broke my streak today aswell, guess its alright though because im not feeling top notch. It didn't last that long though which is aight, can still feel it lingering even right now though ahah.... yea. I just finished this sentence and it started up again.

far out. was really hoping id be alright for a bit longer. definitely feeling it now. shit. i really wish things would be better already. im so sorry i really don't know what to say or explain what i am feeling or what i want to happen but i know its not going to happen so yea. ill live. blogging just makes me feel even worse right now, never had that happen before but theres a first for everything. used up 7 already, i heard thats a lucky number.i want to go back to those days of playing handball