This is some stage 1 depression bullshit in its prime rofl and I've toughed this son of a bitch out for way too long to give in now. But that legitimately doesn't matter because i use to think you can control anything in your life and i think that right now at this very fuckin instance. What happened back then is just memories and its the past, no point getting hurt over it. Be happy they happened, did it make you into a strong person Chris? Probably not but fuck oath it doesn't matter bruv.
You have people that care for you, people that look up to you and people you look up to. All of these people you need to be strong for and you have not done that Chris, you've pissed it all away lately and now you're changing. Crying is for the weak, they say it is when you've been strong for so long. That is the case for alot of people but it's not for me.
This shit isn't going to pass with time, you can no longer sit back and expect this fucking lie to come true. I need to go out there and grab life by the fucking balls and tame it.
I just can't believe how many people actually care about me, its like ive been sitting under a rock this whole time and haven't even noticed it.
Even right now I want to be weak and give in to everything that I just wrote down. I know getting past this is going to be ALOT harder than it is for alot of people because I have gone on like so long at the bottom of the pits. But im not going to do that anymore, no longer am i going to complain and just be an all round fucking dumb cunt mother bitch. I've always known that, that has been the easy way out and if anything in my life has taught me, the easy way out gives no rewards, it gives no fuckin benefits. Picking yourself up after a big fall is what life is all about <3
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